Browsing Craftzine this morning (what? it’s Friday… you expected me to be working?), I came across a link to this post at Elsie Marley: how to make popcorn balls. Hers are orange and oh so festive! And it makes me happy to know that popcorn balls can be made without oil fires and first degree burns, because to be quite honest, I wasn’t sure.

Popcorn balls were added to my Pumpkin Carving Party menu two years ago. What is it about these treats that we associate with Halloween? I’m not sure. I didn’t grow up eating them. We loved our popcorn, but it was an unseasonable love–we ate it in January and June and November and any old time in between. For the most part, we did it microwave-bag style, but my dad enjoyed popping it the old school way on the stove. And when it came time to introduce popcorn balls into my life, I thought dad’s way was the way to go.

I quickly learned that I should have paid much closer attention to his technique. The first batch went well. Perfect actually. Turns out that was beginner’s luck. In retrospect I should have added more oil between batches, because by midway through the second batch, I had a full fledged oil fire on my hands. The entire debacle is a bit of a blur. My roommate did some quick thinking and extinguished the flames, while I was seeking breathable air on the floor and army crawling to the windows in hopes of giving the smoke an escape route.

By the time all the smoke was gone, I had already made my way back to the store for some microwaveable bags.

I assumed that at this point I was in the clear. The stove and I may have our issues, but the microwave and I are lifelong friends who have never led one another astray. And with this rediscovered sense of confidence, I moved on to the corn syrup step of the process about which I have only this to say: When the recipe says let it cool before forming the balls, please, by all means, let it cool. I guarantee that picking up those popcorn balls with the syrup still piping hot will put you off this treat for life… and leave you with some very red and very sore palms.

And that, good readers, is how not to make popcorn balls this October.